Jenn

Where did my confidence go?

I don’t know if any one will have noticed (I hope not) but I’ve been a bad blogger.

I’ve not updated this site since June/July?

I could blame this on the fact that I am pregnant now and not had the time nor felt up to the task of updating – or found that I have had so little to say about everything that it’s all just moot. But that wouldn’t entirely be true.

I just feel like I have lost something in myself lately that has caused a bit of a meltdown in my fangirliness. My days lack any sort of focus or motivation, so generally I just sit about reading books on my kobo or falling asleep in front of the television. I dislike that aspect a lot, but it is what it is. I am feeling constantly drained of all energy, mental or physical.
I suppose it is part of the process of becoming a new mother? A part of me feels like I shouldn’t even start anything new because I’ll never see it through anyway, let alone with a child in the house.

But you know what’s the absolute worst?
I even hung up my coat and hat over on DeviantArt.
I’ve not drawn anything for weeks now and I don’t even feel like I can anymore. Like, everything I do has this heavy weight attached to it and I can’t break free of that anymore.

I have this strange and utter feeling of loss over who I really am these days and it troubles me, but I am always happy that I can seem to get these words out on my blog and make myself feel better about whatever it on my mind.

I guess the question really, is what can I do going forwards to help myself feel a little bit more energised?

I think, maybe rediscover some things that made me happy in the first place?
Something to inspire me.

Whenever I have felt a bit lacking in the past, I’ve looked back through some old posts on here – that’s what this blog is for, right, and see if there is anything that I can drag up to make me feel a bit more alive again.

Maybe I should just attempt some pencil sketches or something simple, rather than, as ever, overloading myself with things that just don’t need to have meaning?

But, if anyone out there knows about confidence and rebuilding it, please let me know?

3 comments

  1. I’m a father of three girls. 2 7 and 12. I give so much to my girls. My hear, my soul, my thoughts, my attention, my affection and of course my love. I’ve always been very hands on. Parenting is the toughest and best job I’ve ever had. However, if I didn’t have my own time to myself here and there I wouldn’t be the father I am. To me it’s important to have a little escape from it all from time to time. This is why I have a blog and my hobby. You’re going through a massive change in every possible way and possibly for the first few month, after he/she comes into the world, all you’ll want is sleep hehe. After that it’s important to make sure you find some time just for you. If you’re creative, which it sounds like you are, just pick up the pencil. You might find it hard at first but once you start you’ll get your mojo back. All the best with Juniour.

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